Sephiroth sat in his office, a hand on his forehead and the other hovering above a line that asked for his signature. He groaned and let the pen drop as he heard his phone ringing. He took the cell phone out of his pocket and stared at the name. Zack. Oh how he feared picking up at 1 am.

"Sephiroth." He answered, expecting the worse.

"Hey!" Zack said cheerfully. He didn't slur, which made Sephiroth wonder what he was doing up. "Reno's hanging out of the 69th floor window!"

"Is he drunk?" Sephiroth asked, sighing heavily.

"Yep!"

"So he's hanging out of the 69th floor window." When he said it, he wanted to hit himself as Zack began to snicker insanely.

"Did you--"

"Yes, yes I caught the significance of the floor number." Sephiroth sighed. "Have you called Tseng?"

"No. Thought I should call you. Oh, hey, you know, the ShinRa logo really looks stupid, now that I'm looking up at it..." Zack said.

"I see nothing wrong with it." Sephiroth responded, shifting the phone so his shoulder was holding it in place.

"I think I wanna redesign it. You think Rufus will approve it?" Zack asked. Everything had to go by Rufus if you weren't anyone special. "I know, I'll make sure to incorporate how ShinRa is so powerful, it can drain the life from the planet."

Sephiroth hit his forehead. "I don't know if Rufus will like your redesign of the company insignia."

"But if I add pandas--"

"Yes, even if you put pandas on it."

"But everyone loves pandas!"

"Yes, yes, I know everyone else likes pandas." He wanted to add that he did not like pandas, but knew the consequences that would follow if he said such a thing.

"Dang..." Zack sighed.

"Zack, why is Reno hanging out of the window?" Sephiroth asked, putting it back on topic.

"Oh, we were going to smuggle Tseng's answering machine. He said he had a foolproof idea!" Zack said cheerfully.

"The words 'smuggling' and 'foolproof' do not go together, even when Reno says that. Haven't you learned anything?" Sephiroth asked, wanting to bang his head against the desk.

"Well, I did learn it wasn't god that talked to me when I ate 29 jars of marshmellow fluff. It was Cloud." Zack said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Speaking of our blonde friend, where is he?" Sephiroth asked, now a bit concerned. Whenever he couldn't hear Cloud in the background, it meant something had happened...again.

"Oh yeah, I accidentally lost him in a poker game." Zack said thoughtfully.

"So you accidentally lost Cloud in a poker game. Again." Sephiroth sighed again. "Zack, go get Cloud back, then assist Reno in getting down."

"Do you want me to get your credit cards back, too?" Zack asked.

"...Get my credit cards back and Cloud back now, before I come down there and chop you into little pieces and feed them to the moogles." Sephiroth said, taking a deep breath.

"Hey, you know, I got in a fight with a moogle today. I swear it punched me first!" Zack said as he began to walk away from staring up Reno. Reno's cry of "Don't leave me" could be heard.

"No, I don't believe the moogle punched you first, Zack." Sephiroth sighed. "I'm hanging up now." He said and did just that, setting the phone down before continuing his paperwork.

~*~4 Hours Later~*~

Sephiroth had retired to his room and was dozing lightly when, yet again, he heard that accursed phone ringing. Sleepilly, he grabbed the phone and picked up without look.

"Sephiroth..." He mumbled.

"Yo, sleepy head! I got Cloud and the credit cards back, and Reno's down. We're all back in Midgar!" He said.

"That's grand, Zack, now, why was I called?" Sephiroth yawned, sitting up.

"We're in the sewers and lost!" The way he said it was too cheerful. "Sewers are disgusting, aren't they?"

"Yes, sewers are disgusting."

"Hey, are there crocodiles down here?" He asked.

"No, crocodiles do not live down there." Sephiroth sighed, bringing a hand to his forehead before getting out of bed and going to his medicine cabinet.

"Oh, good. Reno was scaring Cloud with stories about giant crocodiles. Cloud, Sephy says there are no crocodiles!" Zack said loudly, then grinned. "So, do you think you could come get us out of the sewer?"

"...We'll see." Sephiroth sighed, finding an aspirin.

"Hey, Sephiroth...can cement catch on fire?"

"Yes, even cement can burst into flame...what did you do?" Sephiroth sighed.

"Reno caught the walls on fire. Oh, I know! Fire materia will get rid of that!" Zack said.

"Fire materia can not put out fires." Sephiroth walked to his window. He didn't know why, at first, but then he noticed a fire. "And yes, I can see the fire from here."

"Oh, ok, then I guess it's being a signal fire!" Zack said.

"Zack, why can I see the fire from here if you're in a sewer?" Sephiroth questioned.

"Well, because it's just me and this drunk Wutain hooker in the sewers. Reno and Cloud are up there. Oh, Reno says your favorite latte place is gone." Zack said.

"What do you mean my favorite latte shop is gone?" Sephiroth knew he was going to regret asking.

"He says the entire street is gone." Zack replied.

"...The street isn't there anymore." Sephiroth said to himself, then groaned.

"Ow! Hey, burning embers hurt!" Zack whined. "I know what'll fix that!"

"Don't eat it." Sephiroth said on instinct.

"But...but, if I eat full cure materia, I should cure automatically!" Zack said.

"No, Zack, swallowing the full cure materia will not cause you to heal automatically." He said, wondering how his instincts were right.

"Oh...er...I already did." Zack said sheepishly. Sephiroth hit his forehead. Someday, he would have a permenant bruise there. "Hey, can I use spontaneous combustion as an excuse for missing work tomorrow?"

"No, I really don't think you can use spontaneous combustion as an excuse." Sephiroth answered. He wondered why he picked up the phone. "Zack, put Cloud on the phone and go put the fire out before it spreads."

"Hey, Clou--Oh, he's on fire." Zack said.

"Cloud's on fire?" Sephiroth hit his forehead on the windowsill. "Do you call anyone else besides me? You do realize I'm your boss and you could get fired for half of these things, right?"

"Nah, you wouldn't fire me." Zack said an amused voice.

"You really don't want to make that bet." Sephiroth said darkly. "I'll be down there in a few minutes." He said and hung up, then dialed another number quickly.

"You have reached Tseng's answering machine. I am absent and thus unable to respond to any problems you may be having. Please leave a message and I'll consider getting back to you." Tseng's voice said, then a beep.

"...This is Sephiroth. By the time you return this call, I will have probably already killed your subordinate. If you want to claim any remaining parts, please return my call and leave a message. And I will be confiscating his wallet to cover the damages." Sephiroth said before hanging up.